Insights

Many Couples Unconsciously Hire the Therapist to Regulate the Room

One of the things I have come to believe very strongly in my work with couples is this: many couples unconsciously hire the therapist to...

It’s Easier to Act Your Way Into New Thinking Than Think Your Way Into New Acting

As you may know by now, I love a good quote. Like this one, “It’s easier to act your way into new ways of thinking...

The Hidden Space Where Conflict Lives

There is a concept I talk about often with clients that tends to resonate quickly once people can visualize it. I usually draw two horizontal...

Are We Incompatible or Overwhelmed?

I recently came across a line that stayed with me: “Modern couples struggle more with capacity than compatibility.” The more I thought about it, the...

Why So Many Couples Think Something Is Wrong When Their Relationship Changes

One of the things I find myself normalizing often with couples is that relationships are not static. They change over time. The feelings shift. The...

Zoom Lens vs. Wide Lens: A Shift That Changes Everything

Why perspective might be the most important shift you can make There is something I say often to clients, especially when they feel overwhelmed or...

When You’re Arguing But Actually Agreeing

There is a phrase I use in sessions that often gets a pause and a head nod from both partners. I call it violent agreement....

Why Do I Feel Responsible for Everyone Else’s Emotions?

There is a pattern I see often in the therapy room that can be hard to recognize in yourself because, on the surface, it looks...

Why the Same Patterns Keep Showing Up in Your Relationship

There is something I find myself explaining often in sessions, and I want to put it into words in a way that feels simple and...

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