Why Saying It Out Loud Changes Something

One of the things that continues to amaze me about psychology is how often something that feels simple turns out to be incredibly powerful. Research...

Make the Good Times Good and the Bad Times Safe

One of the things I have learned from working with couples is that the healthiest relationships are not the ones with the least conflict. They...

What's the Story You Default To When You're Disappointed?

Disappointment has a way of feeling much bigger than the event that caused it. A friend doesn't call back. Your partner forgets something important. A...

Are You Moving Forward, or Moving Away From Yourself?

One of the things I have become increasingly curious about in my work is the difference between movement and avoidance. On the surface, they can...

The More You Communicate, the Less You Will Have To

A colleague of mine, couples counselor Colette Fehr, recently said something during a keynote that immediately stayed with me: “The more you communicate, the less...

Many Couples Unconsciously Hire the Therapist to Regulate the Room

One of the things I have come to believe very strongly in my work with couples is this: many couples unconsciously hire the therapist to...

It’s Easier to Act Your Way Into New Thinking Than Think Your Way Into New Acting

As you may know by now, I love a good quote. Like this one, “It’s easier to act your way into new ways of thinking...

The Hidden Space Where Conflict Lives

There is a concept I talk about often with clients that tends to resonate quickly once people can visualize it. I usually draw two horizontal...

Are We Incompatible or Overwhelmed?

I recently came across a line that stayed with me: “Modern couples struggle more with capacity than compatibility.” The more I thought about it, the...

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