Are You Moving Forward, or Moving Away From Yourself?

One of the things I have become increasingly curious about in my work is the difference between movement and avoidance. On the surface, they can...

The More You Communicate, the Less You Will Have To

A colleague of mine, couples counselor Colette Fehr, recently said something during a keynote that immediately stayed with me: “The more you communicate, the less...

Many Couples Unconsciously Hire the Therapist to Regulate the Room

One of the things I have come to believe very strongly in my work with couples is this: many couples unconsciously hire the therapist to...

It’s Easier to Act Your Way Into New Thinking Than Think Your Way Into New Acting

As you may know by now, I love a good quote. Like this one, “It’s easier to act your way into new ways of thinking...

The Hidden Space Where Conflict Lives

There is a concept I talk about often with clients that tends to resonate quickly once people can visualize it. I usually draw two horizontal...

Are We Incompatible or Overwhelmed?

I recently came across a line that stayed with me: “Modern couples struggle more with capacity than compatibility.” The more I thought about it, the...

Why So Many Couples Think Something Is Wrong When Their Relationship Changes

One of the things I find myself normalizing often with couples is that relationships are not static. They change over time. The feelings shift. The...

Zoom Lens vs. Wide Lens: A Shift That Changes Everything

Why perspective might be the most important shift you can make There is something I say often to clients, especially when they feel overwhelmed or...

When You’re Arguing But Actually Agreeing

There is a phrase I use in sessions that often gets a pause and a head nod from both partners. I call it violent agreement....

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