Insights

If I Have to Ask for It, Does It Still Count?

Imagine you have told your partner more than once that it means a lot to you when they initiate plans for the two of you....

The Hardest Part of a Conversation Isn't Talking

A comment I hear fairly often from couples, especially early in therapy, is, "I don't want to come here just to fight." Sometimes only one...

Who Gets the Best Version of You?

A wife looks at her husband and says, "I watched you with your friends this weekend. You were funny, relaxed, and so engaged. I realized...

Could Your Pace Be the Problem?

Lately, I've been thinking about is how much the pace of our lives influences the quality of our relationships. Most people don't come to therapy...

Why I Tell My Clients I'm a Recovered Yeller

I occasionally share with clients is something that usually surprises them. I tell them I'm what I call a recovered yeller. I don't share that...

Why Saying It Out Loud Changes Something

Something that continues to amaze me about psychology is how often something that feels simple turns out to be incredibly powerful. Research has consistently shown...

Make the Good Times Good and the Bad Times Safe

One of the things I have learned from working with couples is that the healthiest relationships are not the ones with the least conflict. They...

What's the Story You Default To When You're Disappointed?

Disappointment has a way of feeling much bigger than the event that caused it. A friend doesn't call back. Your partner forgets something important. A...

Are You Moving Forward, or Moving Away From Yourself?

In my work, I have become increasingly curious about the difference between movement and avoidance. On the surface, they can look remarkably similar. Both involve...

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