Insights

When You’re Arguing But Actually Agreeing

There is a phrase I use in sessions that often gets a pause and a head nod from both partners. I call it violent agreement....

Why Do I Feel Responsible for Everyone Else’s Emotions?

There is a pattern I see often in the therapy room that can be hard to recognize in yourself because, on the surface, it looks...

Why the Same Patterns Keep Showing Up in Your Relationship

There is something I find myself explaining often in sessions, and I want to put it into words in a way that feels simple and...

It Feels Like They’re "Making" You Feel This Way But There’s More to It

When Control Replaces Regulation I recently came across a line that stayed with me: “When people can’t regulate their emotions, they try to control other...

The Shift That Helps You Feel More Understood

Do you like being sold something hard by someone? The kind of interaction where you can feel the other person trying to convince you. Their...

Who’s Running the Meeting in Your Mind?

In therapy, people often describe feeling pulled in different directions. Part of them wants to speak up.Part of them wants to stay quiet.Part of them...

The Unexpected Wisdom in a Funny T-Shirt

A friend recently sent me a picture of her daughter wearing a T-shirt that made me laugh out loud. It said: “Hang in there. It...

Why Letting Go After Betrayal Can Feel So Hard

One of the things I often hear from people after a deep betrayal is something like this: “I want to move on. I want to...

The Conversation Beneath the Conversation

One of the most interesting things about working with couples is that the argument people bring into the room is rarely the whole story. A...

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